There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which
the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they
use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret
is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of
this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of
another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date.
In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do
from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive.
Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually,
it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few
times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were
young.
Yes, this is
psychodynamic. But let’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are
what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person
really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact,
the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.
All of that said, almost
nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners,
our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and
filters of each other’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins,
the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in
reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our
relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get
offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding. A true embodiment of this
idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our
relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing
in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do
what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it
would likely be someone else.
This frees us to be a
little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we
react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the
other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is
actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if
they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting
out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we
provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not
even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing.
People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are
usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do
not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need only understand the situation
and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we
have a chance to make the world a better place.
This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be
hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to
ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing
happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives.
Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the
other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up
feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not
hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us. When we
know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or
believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we
can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to
convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.
The great challenge of our world is to live a life of
contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The
fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical
mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best
kept secrets for living a happy life.
Source: Theunboundedspirit.com