“I’m
not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world
to live up to mine.” ―Bruce Lee
The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the
result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our
relationships and interactions with others.
Tempering your expectations of other people will greatly
reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering, in both your life and theirs, and
help you refocus on the things that truly matter.
Which means it’s time to…
1. Stop
expecting them to agree with you.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life you are
excited about. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are
not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel
that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your
own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.
You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you own
intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. Don’t
compare yourself to others. Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success.
Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately
about spending your life happily in your own way.
2. Stop
expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.
True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.
It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon
it. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and
attention that you should be showing yourself.
Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you,
and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others,
but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice
self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When
you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better
YOU. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of
1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
3. Stop
expecting (and needing) them to like you.
You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you
are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those
who value you. No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one
negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.
In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone
else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be
yourself. And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you. Sometimes
people will call you names because you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly OK.
The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right
people will love you for it.
4. Stop
expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.
Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be
themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin
to appreciate THEM.
Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and
not for who you want them to be. We don’t know most people half as well as we
believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them
wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a
patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you
will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they
truly are. (Read The Mastery of Love.)
5. Stop
expecting them to know what you’re thinking.
People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel
unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a
promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to
because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of
day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.
In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and
effectively. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first
words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
6. Stop
expecting them to suddenly change.
If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has
that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need
them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this
person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.
For the most part though, you can’t change people and you
shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them.
It’s might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often
remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them
and allow them the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the
most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them. (Read
A New Earth.)
7. Stop
expecting them to be “OK.”
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting
some kind of battle, just like you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an
inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.
Remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring
your dark. We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities and
insecurities, not avoid them. Supporting, sharing and making contributions to
other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we
allow it, because we all share very similar dreams, needs and struggles. Once
we accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the
eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say,
“Me too,” and that’s OK. Because not being “OK” all the time, is perfectly OK.
Afterthoughts
People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to. Hope
for the best, but expect less. And remember, the magnitude of your happiness
will be directly proportional to your thoughts and how you choose to think
about things. Even if a situation or relationship doesn’t work out at all, it’s
still worth it if it made you feel something new, and if it taught you
something new.
Your
turn…
What would you add to this post? What do you need to stop
expecting from others? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the
community.
This post originally appeared on Marc and Angel.