1. THEY
REFUSE RESPONSIBILITY.
It’s not their fault. Not EVER. It’s always your fault. His
fault. Her fault. To a narcissist, it’s not their fault they hurt you, it’s
your fault for being hurt-able. If your feelings are hurt, it’s not their
fault; it’s your fault – for having feelings. (You may be told that you’re
“choosing” to feel bad about the hurtful things they’ve done, and that it’s the
wrong “choice”.) If caught doing something insensitive or selfish, they will
tell you they “had to” do it because of someone or something else. If you imply
that anything is their responsibility, they give you excuses and lies, and
often, if those fail to work, they will finally make it clear that the bottom
line is they simply don’t care because they don’t have to, and the fact that
you care is just unnecessary or wrong. From their perspective, you shouldn’t
care — you should get it right like they do, and be more like they are.
Uncaring.
2. THEY
LIE.
Narcissists lie to make themselves look good. They lie to
get out of emotional responsibility. They lie to manipulate. They lie to gain
influence. They lie out of habit. Life is a game to narcissists – a game they
have to think they’re winning – and truth is one casualty in their game plan.
The only time a narcissist has any interest in telling the truth is when it
will serve them or cost them nothing to do so. The rest of the time, they don’t
consider it necessary or important to be all that honest. Honesty can impede
their self-gratification and compromise their powerful persona, and they don’t
like that. To narcissists the truth is frequently “flexible” and optional.
There’s no such thing as an honest narcissist.
3. THEY
LOOK DOWN ON YOU.
Narcissists have to make themselves feel bigger by
convincing themselves others are smaller by comparison. They’re no strangers to
being condescending, snobby, clique-ish, elitist and superior; however, they
may be very good at hiding their disdain to prevent a loss of popularity, which
narcissists know brings them power. Narcissists with money look down on the
working class. Narcissists in the working class look down on those with more
money. Educated narcissists dismiss the opinions of those who have no degree.
Narcissists with no degree claim educated people don’t actually know anything.
Whatever narcissists HAVE (or think they have) is what they use to look down on
others WITH. No-one else’s background, appearance, values, political
persuasion, school, preferences, religion, way of life, profession or opinions
are ever any good or worthy of their respect unless they themselves value
and/or possess the same. If you think or choose differently from a narcissist,
you’re “wrong”, and they’re “right”.
4.
THEY’RE TWO-FACED.
Narcissists literally have two faces — their real face and
their stage face. And neither is anything like the other. Which one you see
will depend on how long you’ve known them. Narcissists can be very charming and
know how to gain favor. Anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist well will tell you
the narcissist is one of the greatest people they’ve ever met! They believe
this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny,
agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever. They may wish
they themselves had it so “together” or were so popular. However, anyone who
knows that same narcissist better (family members, longtime coworkers, etc)
will tell you the narcissist is one of the most horribly frustrating and toxic
people they know, and the mere mention of their name makes them feel uneasy,
angry, frustrated or otherwise unhappy. Being the only one who is experiencing
a narcissist’s real face, while all other family members or coworkers can still
only see the narcissist’s stage face is a very lonely, painful and frustrating
place to be. Thankfully, the number of people who can see through the facade
tends to increase with time.
5.
THEY’RE VINDICTIVE.
If you dare to question a narcissist or request things like
healthy boundaries and honesty, you’re going to become public enemy number one.
The “Mr. or Ms. Wonderful” mask immediately comes off, and there is no level
they will not stoop to in order to “punish” you. They have myriad ways of
attempting this; some are covert, and some are open and obvious. The narcissist
has a seemingly inexhaustible obsession for making people who cross them “pay”.
Once they set their sights on you, you’re a permanent enemy, and their seething
spite will feel as intense years down the road as it did when it first began.
The length of time they can keep up the full intensity of their hatred for you
and their campaign to exact revenge is absolutely dumbfounding to
non-narcissistic people.
6.THEY
PROJECT PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
Many mentally disordered individuals project frequently.
Narcissists, however, are some of the most actively and severely projecting people
encountered. Ever full of accusations and criticisms, the most crazy-making
thing about most of the narcissist’s claims is that YOU are doing exactly what
THEY are doing. (Projection.) Have they just lied to you? Well, you’re about to
be called dishonest. Are they cheating you out of an opportunity? You’re going
to get the finger pointed at you for being sneaky. And you can’t say a word to
them about something hurtful they have done, because that makes you an abuser –
of them. You can’t give them anything but glowing feedback without their raging
at you, but you’ll be the one constantly criticized severely and then called
freakishly oversensitive if you show any feelings about it. And if they say so,
it’s law — you don’t know what you’re talking about.
7. THEY
SMEAR PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE THEM.
Narcissists are allergic to healthy boundaries and fairness.
If you question the insensitive things they do or put any limits whatsoever on
their bad behavior, you will be targeted for social, professional, or personal
obliteration. Whatever narcissists perceive to be your psychological or
situational “weak spots” will be their prime targets. For instance, if the
narcissist knows that your greatest fear is social ridicule, that will be the
main focus of the smear campaign. If he or she knows that recently, you made a
mistake for which you feel guilty, that will be used against you. Narcissists
know that the more effectively they can pinpoint your insecurities or flaws,
the more successful they will be in eroding your confidence and your influence.
And if they manage to do that, they stand a good chance of getting back the
power they planned to do whatever they pleased with before you “got in their
way”.
Post From And By - After Narcissist Abuse (Ana)
Via : Factrider