I’m asked this question all the time: “Why am I attracted to people who are wrong for me?” And the answer
is quite simple, actually:
Because
your wounded self is doing the attracting.
Now, I know the term “wounded self” can sound a little
intense, so let me explain. We all have two selves: the “little self” (or the
wounded self, the ego) and the “Spiritual Self” (the higher self, adult self,
or soul).
The wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete.
It questions your worth and value; it doesn’t feel whole, or it feels flawed in
some way. My wounded self is the “little me” who wonders if I’m truly lovable.
On the other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is
your higher self, your soul. It’s the part of you that’s connected to love,
truth, wisdom and peace within. Your Spiritual Self knows, without a doubt, how
lovable and valuable you are. In many ways, it’s the opposite of the ego.
At any given time, we are operating from one of these two
selves. Many of us, unfortunately, operate from the viewpoint of the ego most
of the time. That is, we believe we’re insignificant and powerless in some way,
and we’re trying to make up for this lack.
The ego looks for things on the outside to find validation
and completion. It believes once it gets more (money, a better partner, a
better job, a better house, more vacations, etc…) it will finally be happy.
But … it’s never happy. Not for long, anyway. Because the
ego’s very nature is to feel incomplete. Therefore when you live through the
perspective of your ego, you’re destined to feel like something’s missing. Life
through this lens is not very fun.
The ego
gets highly activated when it comes to romantic relationships, because relationships
are where we hold the most wounding.
We’ve all felt disappointed or hurt by a relationship in the
past; we carry the memory of this wound into adulthood (sometimes
unconsciously). If a wound from childhood is still active within you, you’ll
attract people who are going to highlight the same feeling. For example, if
your wounding is centered around feeling rejected or unseen, it’s likely that
you’ll feel a similar way in your relationships as an adult.
Your
unconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds. The
reason for this is so you’ll grow.
This is a frustrating part of the growth process! But think
of it this way: You’re replaying your wounds so you can finally heal them. We
cannot heal anything we don’t feel or see; we can’t heal things that are
unconscious! The uncomfortable feeling has to come to the surface for you to
grow beyond it.
And how do you grow beyond it?
By identifying with your higher self.
Remember, your higher self is the part of you that knows the
truth about you. It knows that you are worthy, amazing, capable, and powerful.
Through the lens of the higher self, you are whole. Yes, you’re an imperfect
human with flaws; but the larger truth is: you’re a soul.
You’re beautiful.
You’re important.
You’re special.
You’re love.
This is what the higher self knows about you — and it wants
you to know it, too.
By
identifying with your higher self (the love within you), your compulsion to
play out wounds with other people dissipates and in some cases, disappears.
When you wake up to the higher self’s truth, you suddenly
realize that the “wrong” people were just teachers to nudge you into the
“right”state-of-mind; a state-of-mind that does not question your value or
worth. Unfortunately, nothing inspires us to grow more than a broken heart.
Your higher self wants you to identify with it; it wants you
to own who you really are. Reclaim the love within you, and you’ll heal your
relationships from the inside-out.
Please leave a comment below telling us the qualities of
your higher self and how you plan to be more connected to that part of you.